Descent into Ukranian Black Metal

A couple months ago I bought a record by a band called Blood of Kingu based on them having a t-shirt with HP Lovecraft on it. Listening to this record and their first album, I got beyond stoked on the relentless, POP snare blastbeats and wall-of-ice-harmonized guitars. They seem to have something to do with the shoegaze BM crossover that's been going on the last decade - but keep things cold and mournful instead of exulting in eye-closing ecstasy ala Alcest. Quickly I discovered the guitarist and bandleader's other band, Drudkh, who are apparently important right now. From Drudkh I branched into other Ukranian bands like Hate Forest and Astrofaes.

Then, as always happens when one gets too deeply into a subscene of BM, I hit a moral snag. Seems most of the bands in the Karkhiv guitar-wall blast scene are involved with some pretty ideologically sketchy labels and individuals. I don't want to list bands and labels and their "crimes," since the NSBM witch hunt is pretty out of control on the internet right now (figure out who sucks on your own. It's not that hard if you have a brain and are not totally morally bankrupt). I seem to have hit on a pretty accurate formula for determining whether an Eastern European band is far-right, though:

1. Relentlessly cold BM sound
2. One-word band name that is either an outmoded deity, terrain feature or celestial body*
3. Pagan or heathen lyrics

* words like HATE, REICH and NACHT can be spliced on to violate the one-word rule.

For example, a band called FORESTREICH from Poland that sounds like sped up Bathory and recorded in a bathroom is probably going to say dumb stuff about other races. I just made that up, but it is probably a real band.

Or, a split tape between one-man projects named TREE and WOTAN put out by MOONHATE PRODUCTIONS is probably not money well-spent.

I seem to have dug Hate Forest and Drudkh into a hole here (Drudkh means "Wood"). I'm pretty confident that those bands are just really into the Ukraine and are not anti-Semitic. Hate Forest has that Nietzschean/totalitarian touch that one would expect from their name, but it's not NSBM. They get co-opted by jackboot-idiots due to their regal nature and ancestor praise.

Anyway, Hate Forest is totally relentless, and the main dude is sort of a black metal genius. HF morphed into Blood of Kingu. They ditched European politics and focus now on mythology and horror fiction. It's the same concepts of majesty and ouroboros, but more abstract and universal...sweet. The vocals are not ideal for me, but are very well done and sparingly used.

Astrofaes, Drudkh's other guitarist, is a little less no-frills than HF, using some very blatant pagan-pride imagery and sounds. They aim towards epicness, which is something I enjoy less than strait-up metal terror. I think their vocalist is the guy screaming in Drudkh. I don't like the scream/growl overdub thing they do on the tape I have ("those whose past is immortal"..*sigh*). The raw screams of earlier stuff is where it's at, though I avoid the first tape due to the participation of a pretty sketchy keyboardist.
Other than those things I mentioned, I love everything about this band. Super-fast, long-sustained blasting with icey riffs that get pretty every now and then. I've got 2 more tapes coming: Eyes of the Beast, and Ancestor's Shadow. These tapes + HF, Drudkh and BoK should be enough harmonica blast-fests to send me on countless voyages through the trees and stars, for a couple weeks at least.
 
Always tread lightly through the woods of regional metal.

Bubblegum Octopus/Yatagarasu Spring tour! (March 27th-April 23)

Bubblegum Octopus and I are on the road doing another massive DIY tour. This is in support of Bubblegum Octopus's new album BAD HAPPY!
Here are the remaining dates:


March 27th, Sunday

Tallahassee, Florida

Total Bummer fest 2.0!

The Bookmine
672 W Gaines St

Blastoids
Technobox
Gobble Gobble
+about 20 more. And that is just one day!

Show goes all day and starts at noon! Yata and BgO play 6:30-7:30!
Full schedule:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=190950057596649

March 28th, Monday

Orlando, Florida.

Uncle Lou's
1016 N Mills Ave, Orlando, FL
$3
9pm

Bubblegum Octopus
Yatagarasu
Strangelette
Technobox
Gradius Cat
Sleepy Ghost

http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=159654037415987

March 29th, Tuesday

Jacksonville, Florida

Shanty Town Pub
22W 6th Street
$5, 21+
10 pm

Yatagarasu
Bubblegum Octopus

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=102240776526789#!/event.php?eid=197526606944477

March 30th, Wednsday

Atlanta, Georgia

COUCH COUCH
380 Edgewood

free, plz donate

Chandu's
Bubblegum Octopus
Yatagarasu

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=102240776526789

March 31st, Thursday

Rock Hill, South Carolina!!!

The Courtroom At Getty's
201 E. Main St.
Rock Hill, SC

$4
9PM

Bubblegum Octopus
Yatagarasu
Modrats
Performance Art by Rebecca Jane and Nadia Blackmon

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=155074591221074&ref=ts

April 1st, Friday

Boone, North Carolina.

Black Cat Burrito
127 South Depot St.

10:30pm
$5, 18+

Bubblegum Octopus
Yatagarasu
DJs Lebronn James and Smallwonder

April 2nd, Saturday

Greensboro, North Carolina.

CFBG
930 South Chapman Street

Free, donations plez

* Yatagarasu
* Everybody Yay
* Mammal Fish
* Bubblegum Octopus
* Mixed Signals
* Comparative Anatomy

April 3rd, Sunday

TBA. ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN! Any ideas?

April 4th, Monday

Charlottesville, Virginia

Magnolia
507 10TH STREET NW

9:00pm
Free, plz donate!

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
GENERIFUS
BUBBLEGUM OCTOPUS
¥ATAGARASU

http://en-gb.facebook.com/event.php?eid=160075390715735

April 5th, Tuesday

Baltimore, Maryland

The Hexagon
1825 N. Charles St.

8pm
$8

Mr. Free and the Satellite Freakout!
Trey Frey
Yatagarasu
Bubblegum Octopus

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=169210639795474

April 6th, Wednsday

Brooklyn, New York.

Death by Audio
49 s 2nd st
btw kent & wythe

9pm
$7

.Soft Spot
.Rifle Recoil
.Space Lions in Outer Space
.Bubblegum Octopus
.Yatagarasu

April 7th, Thursday

DAY OFF! But maybe we can play somewhere instead?

April 8th, Friday

Allston, Massachusetts.
Gay Gardens
10 Graylock Rd

7pm, raza sharp!
Free, please donate

SKIMASK
YATAGARASU(TX)
BUBBLEGUM OCTOPUS(NJ)
HUNNIE BUNNIES
WOAD
ONCE DEAD FLESH
ARVID NOE

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=203157403030490&ref=ts

April 9th, Saturday

Albany, New York

The Albany Social Justice Center
33 Central Ave
7:30pm
$5

* BUBBLEGUM OCTOPUS
* YATAGARASU
* GHOUL POON
* _11:34
* GRADY STILES

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=137229596344263&ref=ts

April 10th, Sunday

Pittsburg, Pennsylvania.

Belveder Lounge
4016 Butler St.

8:30pm
$5, 21+

Yatagarasu
Bubblegum Octopus
Bit mummy
Ag ag lady
8cylinder

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=107988802614807&ref=ts

April 11th, Monday

Columbus, Ohio. TBA.

April 12th, Tuesday

Cincinatti, Ohio.

Mockbee
2260 Central Parkway

Captain Ahab
Yatagarasu
Bubblegum Octopus
+more TBA

April 13th, Wednsday

Lansing, Michigan.

Basement 414
414 E. Michigan Ave.

Free, plz donate!

-Yatagarasu
-Bubblegum Octopus
-Dental Work
-Galactic Vacationer
-Watabou
-Kessenchu

FREE PIZZA!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=202614569751093

April 14th, Thursday

Day off, or something - possibly Kalamazoo.

April 15th, Friday

Grand Rapids, Michigan.
This is happening, info forthcoming!

April 16th, Saturday

Detroit, Michigan.

The Trumbullplex
4210 Trumbull

8:30pm
$5

ULTRA MEGA AWESOME EXTREME 5

Bubblegum Octopus
DJ Immolation
Dr. Device
KKrusty
Little Mack
Performance Advertising
Public Pubes
Robert Inhuman
Saskrotch
Scissor Now!
Selector Catalogue
Terminal Girls
The Abominable Twitch
Yatagarasu

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=112946668781843


Yatagarasu Only past here....

April 17th, Sunday

Chicago, Illinois
TBA. It's happening, check back for more info.

April 18th, Monday

Day off? Or something?. TBA

April 19th, Tuesday

Day off?. TBA

April 20th, Wednesday

St Louis, Missouri

The Crack Fox
$4.20
10pm

Mavis Concave
Yatagarasu
Eric Wood

http://www.stlouisraver.com/yaf_postst246_04-20-2011-WARS-DOUBLE-FEATURE-Aaron-Spectre-Drumcorps-and-Mavis-Concave-Realicide-5.aspx

April 21st, Thursday

Columbia, Missouri. TBA

April 22nd, Friday

Tulsa, Oklahoma. TBA

April 23rd, Saturday

Tulsa, Oklahoma

Blue Jackelope
306 S. Phoenix Ave Tulsa

Daniel(s)
Yatagarasu

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=117332018346180&ref=ts

April 24th, Sunday

Dallast/Fort Worth/Denton, Texas. TBA

-DONE-

Yatagarasu/Bubblegum Octopus SXSW + Spring Tour !

Bubblegum Octopus and I are hitting the road this spring for another massive DIY tour. We will both have several new records! Any help on these TBA dates, or suggestions for alternate cities is greatly appreciated! If we're gonna be near you, and you want us to play in your city, don't hesitate to let us know!

March 14th, Monday

Tulsa, Oklahoma

March 15th, Tuesday

Dallas/Fort Worth/Denton, Texas

March 16th, Wednsday

Austin, Texas
Swtiched On Music
Bubblegum Octopus + Yatagarasu Instore!

March 17th, Thursday

Austin, TBA.

March 18th, Friday

Austin, TBA.

March 19th, Saturday

Austin, TBA

March 20th, Sunday

Austin
Side Show Tatoos
Bubblegum Octopus + tons of other bands

March 21st, Monday

Austin/San Antonio. TBA

March 22nd, Tuesday

Austin/San Antonio. TBA

March 23rd, Wednsday

Corpus Christi. TBA

March 24th, Thursday

Houston. TBA

March 25th, Friday

New Orleans, Louisiana. TBA

March 26th, Saturday

Panama City, Florida. TBA

March 27th, Sunday

Gainsville, Florida. TBA

March 28th, Monday

Orlando, Florida. TBA

March 29th, Tuesday

Statesborough, Georgia. TBA

March 30th, Wednsday

Atlanta, Georgia. TBA

March 31st, Thursday

Rock Hill, South Carolina. TBA

April 1st, Friday

Asheville, North Carolina. TBA

April 2nd, Saturday

Day off, or something. TBA

April 3rd, Sunday

Greensboro, North Carolina. TBA

April 4th, Monday

Richmond, Virginia. TBA

April 5th, Tuesday

Maryland, TBA.

April 6th, Wednsday

Philidelphia/New Jersey. TBA.

April 7th, Thursday

New York. TBA.

April 8th, Friday

Brooklyn. TBA.

April 9th, Saturday

Allentown, Pennsylvania. TBA.

April 10th, Sunday

Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. TBA

April 11th, Monday

Columbus, Ohio. TBA

April 12th, Tuesday

Cincinatti, Ohio. TBA

April 13th, Wednsday

Ann Arbor, Michigan. TBA

April 14th, Thursday

Day off, or something. TBA

April 15th, Friday

Grand Rapids, Michigan. TBA

April 16th, Saturday

La Port, Indiana. TBA.

April 17th, Sunday

Chicago, Illinois. TBA

April 18th, Monday

Milwaukee, Wisconsin. TBA

April 19th, Tuesday

Minneanapolis, Minnesota. TBA

April 20th, Wednesday

Iowa City, Iowa. TBA

April 21st, Thursday

St Louis, Missouri. TBA


Yatagarasu Only past here....


April 22nd, Friday

Columbia, Missouri. TBA

April 23rd, Saturday

Tulsa/Okc, Oklahoma. TBA

April 24th, Sunday

Dallast/Fort Worth/Denton, Texas. TBA

April 25th, Monday

Lubbock, Texas. TBA

April 26th, Tuesday

Santa Fe, New Mexico. TBA

April 27th, Wednsday

Boulder, Colorado. TBA

April 28th, Thrusday

Denver, Colorado. TBA

April 29th, Friday

Alubquerque, New Mexico. TBA

April 30th, Saturday

Midland, Texas. TBA

May 1st, Sunday

Austin/San Antonio, Texas. TBA

-DONE-

Yatagarasu + Guards midwest tour (June 23rd - July 7th)

Midwest tour June 23-July 7 (still need some TX help)!
Yatagarasu is going on a quick midwest tour alongside San Antonio noise rockers Guards from June 23-july 7th! We will have new shirt designs, new releases, and new songs. Also, Yatagarasu now features hard Gameboy kicks and lasers battling the harsh NES squares, courtesy of the mighty and dextrous Crashbarron!
If you're in the midwest, definitely come check out Yatagarasu in its current form as a two piece, 4bit doomsday device! No hope, YES future!!

Also, our Texas shows have been the stickiest to book. If you are interested in helping us get something together in North Texas on the 25th-27th, please get in touch! We would like to see our friends up there.

Here's where everything is going down:


June 23rd - San Antonio

The 1011
1011 San Antonio Street
Yatagarasu, Guards, Infidel, Buho, This Horn of Afrika
$5


June 24th - Austin

Moose Lodge
2103 E M Franklin Ave
Yatagarasu, Guards, Infidel, Flying Scorpion, This Horn of Afrika, How I quit crack
Free! Please donate!


June 25th - Lubbock
TBA

June 26th - Denton, For Worth, Arlington?
TBA, need help!

June 27th - Dallas, Oklahoma City even?
TBA, Needs some of that HELP


June 28th - Tulsa, Oklahoma
Blue Jackelope
306 South Phoenix
Yatagarasu, Guards, More TBA!


June 29th - Columbia, Missouri
Cafe Berlin
220 N 10th St
Yatagarasu, Guards, More TBA!

June 30th - Kansas City, Missouri
The Brick
1727 McGee
Yatagarasu, Guards, Ree-Yees

July 1st - St Louis, Missouri
Lemp Arts (LNAC)
3301 Lemp Ave
Yatagarasu, Guards, Oblive, More TBA!

July 2nd - Chicago, Illinois
Locked Out
3951 Fullerton Avenue
Yatagarasu, Guards More TBA!

July 3rd - Chicago, Illinois
Hottie Biscotti
3545 w. fullerton
Yatagarasu, Guards, Speak Onion, More TBA!

July 4th - South Bend, Indiana
Chris Clean's House
Msg for addy
4th of July!
Yatagarasu, Guards More TBA!

July 5th - Grand Rapids, Michigan
TBA

July 6th - Traverse City, Michigan
TBA
Yatagarasu, Guards, Dental Work, Speak Onion!

July 7th - Lansing, Michigan
Basement 414
414 E. Michigan Ave
Yatagarasu, Guards, Dental Work, Speak Onion, Kessenchu


Long drive Home

At this point, we'll be working on establishing an art/electronics/music space in Austin for the rest of the summer.
On July 9th - 11th, check out Guards opening for Lightning Bolt on the Texas leg of that bands' tour.

Protoculture as a weapon for change, not an escape!

The Blasted Heath

I like to venture out at like 4-5 in the morning if I've been up all night. I enjoy a simple driving adventure that ends in donuts. I did this for the first time in Austin the other day, and on the way home I got to see my new neighborhood in an abandoned, street-light illuminated lonesomeness. At one point I had to "flip a pancake", or perform an ill-begotten u-turn, and veered into a parking lot. I was in a shopping center with maybe 5 stores in it. They included a Beauty parlor, a jersey store, a liquor store, and 2 other unrecognizable ones. The cement was cracked, and a row of dead trees lined the eastern border. The western one opened into a byway which connected it to a larger shopping center. Cracked sidewalk and garbage were the order of the day - I could almost see a rat inside a tumbleweed - a blasphemous urban hamster ball. I realized at this time that the area I live in is *kind of* sketchy. It's not really dangerous, it just seems abandoned.

Down the street from my house is an ubiquitous "FOOD MART" (only blocks away from "MAJOR BRAND GAS," no joke). I had visited a couple times to buy soda, or a huge bag of cookies, which costs $1. The last time I went there, there was a small piece of paper taped to the glass door. It was a note, written in the kind of severe boldface that showed the anger of the writer even though a sharpie was used. It read:

"ONLY 2 STUDENTS AT A TIME"

I tried to understand what this could have meant. Was it to prevent shoplifting, by keeping cunning young people from running a 3-man scam? What if the kids weren't students, though? Would a student ID be required to be kicked out of the store? What if you lost your ID? What about general students of knowledge? I really think there is a piece to this puzzle I am missing. Maybe they have a special discount there on high-gravity wine drinks. Any serious student prepares for the SAT with plenty of NIGHT TRAIN. Also homework.

This place would be a Godsend in those small hours when the total understanding of Physics 1 relies on changing modes of consciousness. Cast in the light of the Night Train, one cannot help but vivisect the laws of the universe into hard formulae.

Speed times time equals something. The universe. Matter.

It all comes as fast as a train in the night.

I got through school by killing my mind, to an extent. Not with alcohol, though, with something that was either willpower or a lack of willpower. Where discipline begins and giving up on your aspirations ends is a line I was too busy to worry about crossing. Sometimes the wounds of those years upon my creative capacity neutralizes the money I earned from having a degree. Perhaps if I would have had a store with Night Train near me, I would be different. Wondering doesn't pay, though, and it wouldn't have worked anyway. I had a strict rule in college about entering convenience stores only in groups of 3+.

The "Food Mart" sits in a small parking lot. It's next door to a house, and its other neighbor is a barbed-wire fence which protects, apparently, 50 square yards of grass. Invariably there is a car parked in the middle of the lot, nowhere near a designated space. I've nicknamed this store "The Blasted Heath."

I wish I could stay in this neighborhood past July. I have to leave, again, sell all my stuff and hit the road for an indefinite period. I feel that the apex of existence is to thrive in a community, but in the absence of that, I will take familiar locations and sketched half-landmarks.

Cleaning out my car

I have another morbid story about an animal. This happened last summer, right before I left Huntsville for the Take Control 2009 Tour with Casey and eventually Bubblegum Octopus. Before I left my apartment and felt the freedom of unattached, constant movement, the universe had one more example of my wretched insignificance to show me.

My car had gotten abhorrently messy. I was cleaning it out - careful to dodge staples and thumb tacks that had lodged themselves into the moldy carpeting and impacted wads of food bags. After clearing swath after swath of hellishly mildewed socks, promotional cd cases and old out-of-state speeding tickets, I turned my attention to the glove box. I popped it open. The owner's manual for my truck fell out onto the floorboard. It landed on the hairy grey interior lining, which had long since been denuded of its rubber mat. I started pulling everything out and onto the ground.

I noticed something falling from the glove box's neighbor. The air conditioning unit had coughed up some mysterious payload. Between the foot-resevoirs of the two front seats, there is a raised area where the stick shift pops out. A small object plopped onto this median. I turned my attention towards it. Before me was a tiny, thinly-furred, barely mobile, infant mouse. I nearly jumped back in horror. I wasn't even sure if its eyes were open - though it looked like it was out of the pink, near-fetal state that tiny mammals are born into. He was kind of wallowing on the gray median. It didn't even look like he could crawl forward. His pitiful face, tiny, plaintive paws and needle-thin tail caused a nearly-painful surge of melancholy. Another adorable animal, who for nothing other than blind chance, would probably die horribly. I grabbed my hand into the air conditioning unit, casting concern aside in the hopes that his family would also fall out. There was nothing. The little guy was all alone in the world. I decided I could not take him on tour with me. I had seen attempts to nurture way-too-young baby animals invariably end in death - The baby bird my mom had given a bath, accidentally freezing him to death even as she continuously layered him against the non-stop shivering - A lizard dying during childbirth, my father patiently on-hand to receive each stillborn creature - The other bird, starving to death as we failed to give it proper nutrients. It sucked too much for every party involved, and I didn't want to put an animal in a situation like that. I couldn't leave it on the street, either. A tiny mouse with barely any locomotive ability would be condemned to starvation, being eaten alive by ants or picked up by any bird - if it was lucky it would be dead when being eaten.

No, the best thing for me to do was to kill it then and there. That was what my ass-brained mind - panicked from this discovery and from the need to evacuate my apartment in mere hours - came up with. I was near a dumpster, in a little brick alcove that a derelict could have easily converted into a home. I found a styrofoam bowl and put the mouse inside. There was a spare cinder block by the dumpster - I hoisted it upward, preparing to crush the mouse in one painless instant. As I watched it squirm pathetically, and finally stumble a couple inches, I realized that I would never be able to crush a baby mouse to death with a huge brick. If staying alive was a worse fate, then I didn't have the pragmatic, worldly strength to deliver ultimate and deadly kindness. A friend of mine once recounted how he had found a salamander trapped in a mousetrap in his garage. It was dying, and he actually went through with his honorable and hellish duty - choking with tears as he literally brought the hammer down. That might have been a little more clear cut than a seemingly viable mouse with no family, but I felt the same terror.

I guess for every insanely colored sunset or incomprehensibly-tall mountain range there is an abandoned baby mouse or gazelle being torn apart. The natural world, and by that I mean every aspect of life, not just trees and shit, is like a haunted house. Except instead of rubber masks extended off of poles from closets, there are things that really can scare you. You know something is
going to pop out, but it's hard to be totally prepared and steeled to the infinite possibilities.

I took my car to the body shop down the street and had them blow out the air conditioning unit and all the other panels. There was nothing - not even nest fragments. The little guy was an orphaned survivor. The next day, he was gone from the spot I had left him. Whether it was living and scrapping on its own, or more likely, was picked off by a bird, I was glad at least it was not being treated like alive carrion by a swarm of some kind. But I can still see him there in that bowl of my misconceived aid - I probably always will - squirming hopelessly amidst a sea of terrors. He was like me, and I should have taken him in.

Death of Grackle

On my lawn, I saw a dark bird on its back. He was struggling and kicking, unable to flip over. I felt my stomach rotating. How could this not end horribly? The bird looked extremely filthy, so I grabbed the nearest thing that was long and flat (an auxilary window screen) and gently tried to flip the bird over. After about 10 seconds of him resisting me in every way he could, his feet finally touched the ground. He immediately shuffled forward about a foot. I silently rooted for him, hoping he would take off in a majestic burst of flight.

He tripped, though, and his neck struck the ground. His downward-facing wing winched him up at a 45-degree angle, making his body into an awkward triangle. Grackles always look stupid or terror-stricken due to their constantly open, beady fish-eyes. It was hard for me to not imagine he was actually in fear as he kicked and flitted with his apparently useless appendages. His wing was preternaturally extended and ruffled. It pumped up and down hopelessly. Every now and then the bird would get on its feet, desperately shuffle forward or to the side, and then collapse. It looked like he was drunk. I would have imagined funny music and a Bob Saget voice over if I wasn't sure that the bird was going to die.

I remembered times when I had similarly stumbled forward from injury, how I would physically try my best to stay on my feet and awake, but lose control and hit the ground. The weight of uncertainty and a bright, berzerk need to survive would flash on, inciting a terrifying cycle of wake/pass out. I wondered if he felt that uncertainty along with his desperate need to survive. After a few more bouts of run/fall, he stayed down. I thought I could see him breathe in and out. With his one fish eye facing upward and a slow, pumping breathing, it seemed that he had accepted his situation. He was recounting his life. His life of eating bugs, hopefully mating, and finally meeting his end by slamming against a wall. Did a life of unrelated, difficult experiences form a cogent narrative to him with death coming on? Probably not, it probably wasn't thinking of anything. Its attempts to move were a mechanic of instinct, it's failure to move was a failure of its body. I thought to call the humane society. Maybe they had a machine that they used to humanely kill birds. My roommate suggested we give the it a couple hours, maybe he was just stunned, or something, having hit our door. I pretty much knew it was dying, but I held out a vain hope that if I left and came back, it would be gone. I killed about a half-an-hour jogging, then worked in my room for a couple more hours, finally forgetting about the bird.

The next day, I woke up to the sound of someone mowing the lawn. I forgot that my roommate had hired someone to do that. I ran outside.

Me: Hey man, there might be a bird somewhere on the lawn, you might want to watch out for him.
Guy: Black bird? You don't have to worry about him.
Me: Oh..
Guy: He got chopped up! Crunched up by the mower! Hahaha!